How Do You Know If You’re with the Right Person? | RIOT Podcast

About this Episode

How Do You Know If You're with the Right Person? is the topic that will be discussed today on RIOT Podcast, a Christian Discipleship Podcast.

Are You Looking for Love, or Just Trying Not to Be Alone?

How do you know if you’re with the right person?

Is it chemistry? Attraction? Shared interests? Compatibility? Feeling understood? Or simply finding someone who says they’re a Christian?

Whether you’re single, dating, divorced, considering remarriage, or already married, choosing who you build your life with is one of the biggest relationship decisions you’ll ever make.

But maybe we’ve been asking the wrong question.

In RIOT Podcast Episode 307, Pete Robertson, Bill Schoneman, and Bob Schoneman explore what the Bible teaches about relationships, dating, marriage, character, conflict, loneliness, and spiritual compatibility.

Because sometimes the qualities that initially attract us to someone aren’t the qualities that can sustain a healthy relationship.

Physical attraction can cause us to overlook character.

Loneliness can make attention feel like love.

Chemistry can make us ignore warning signs.

And sometimes we fall in love not with who someone actually is, but with who we hope they’ll eventually become.

So how do we discern wisely?

Scripture gives us a much deeper framework than simply “follow your heart.”

Proverbs 4:23 tells us: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Before asking whether someone is the right person, maybe we should ask: What has been shaping my heart and teaching me what to desire?

In this episode, we discuss:
• How to know if you’re with the right person
• What Christians should look for in a relationship
• Attraction vs. character
• Why chemistry alone cannot sustain a relationship
• How loneliness can affect relationship decisions
• What it really means to be equally yoked
• Why simply calling yourself a Christian isn’t the same as walking with Jesus
• Red flags revealed through conflict
• Why you shouldn’t date someone’s potential
• The danger of believing you can change another person
• Dating and relationships after divorce
• Why waiting can sometimes be wiser than forcing a relationship
• What to do when marriage becomes difficult
• How pride, control, bitterness, and unforgiveness affect relationships
• Why your spouse cannot become your source of identity or security
• How abiding in Jesus changes the way we choose, love, forgive, and handle conflict

One of the biggest relationship mistakes we can make is expecting another human being to give us what only Jesus can provide.

“Make me happy.”
“Make me feel secure.”
“Make me feel valuable.”
“Never disappoint me.”
“Always understand me.”

No person can carry that weight.

When our identity and security come from Jesus, we can begin loving another person without requiring them to become our savior.

So maybe the question isn’t only: “Am I with the right person?”

Maybe we also need to ask: “Am I becoming the right kind of person?”

And even deeper: “Who or what is discipling the way I think about relationships?”

If you’re considering a relationship, look beyond chemistry. Look at the character. Look at fruit. Look at the direction of their life.

And turn the mirror around. What is the direction?

If you’re already married, ordinary conflict doesn’t automatically mean you married the wrong person. Instead of spending all your energy trying to change your spouse, perhaps another question is worth asking: “Jesus, who are You calling me to become in this marriage?”

The goal isn’t finding a flawless person.

There isn’t one.

The goal is learning to walk closely with Jesus and allowing Him to transform the way we choose, love, forgive, handle conflict, and see the person in front of us.